i have come to wonder in the last couple of days, if it is healthy to have a different way of dealing with friendships with different people. i realize that sounds off so ill try to explain.
when i am with my large group of friends i know that if i'm rude to them they will not take it personally and often poke fun, however with a separate friend i must constantly monitor my behaviors so as to not set them off. i find i am a completely different friend.
the average Hannah is a yell first then apologize if need be while the hannah i am with my singular friend is polite and giving. personally i would never think of myself that way, but it has become necessary.
i feel the friendship is important but i find myself wondering if its worth giving up the essence of me.
all in all i think this friend and i have a lot to learn and for now i just like being there for them and having them there.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Im sorry
it has come to my attention i might not be saying things in my blog in the nicest way. i welcome feedback and if anyone disagrees or has suggestions for future posts, please send me a message here or on facebook http://www.facebook.com/nannerz.fox.
i hope no one is too upset and i will remove blog posts if they are upsetting :)
i hope no one is too upset and i will remove blog posts if they are upsetting :)
Be Nice - It Works Better
Okay so I know its been a while but I have had a lot going on. this post will be focusing on what I have discovered this year.
I don't know how many people have been in a situation like this; someone you know is being annoying and you want to deal with it so you use a harsh tone to tell them or send queues for them to stop. while this might seem like an effective tactic, depending on the person it could ignite the one who is bothering you. This then causes a domino effect of making the annoying student upset and unstable, this in turn makes everyone around them on edge because when one person in a community is upset it effects everyone.
During this year I have discovered the fix to this problem. Its as simple as the age old rule to treat others the way you want to be treated. It seems like its such a simple rule that it couldn't do anything, but I find being nice is the quickest way to a resolution.
Whenever at school I make sure, no matter what mood I'm in, that I am always kind and I always put others first. If i cant do that then I politely say I'm not in the mood. Through this practice, more people trust me and see me as a safe person to talk to.
I have been practicing the technique in various settings whether it be settling a student down when someone has spoken harshly or if I am just talking to students that need a nicer tone.
The way my little brother looks at this is that he acts out more when teachers are rough with him, when a teacher is "soft" and works with his strengths he gets more accomplished. We are lucky that at this school we have so many of the "soft" teachers but when one a student is upset, it has worked so well to care about them and show them that people are on their side and understand. I see myself in so many of the kids and I have found the by making them feel better I make myself feel good and I become a nicer person as a result.
I also would like to say that I have done a fair share of this and for me its a very very recent discovery. I am posting this because i want to share this amazing thing i found out. hope you liked it. I tried to relate it to social skills but I don't know if I did. its been a while.
I will try to post again soon :)
sorry i edited this so much. i don't want to hurt anyones feelings. I'm sorry if it seems convoluted or sloppy.
I don't know how many people have been in a situation like this; someone you know is being annoying and you want to deal with it so you use a harsh tone to tell them or send queues for them to stop. while this might seem like an effective tactic, depending on the person it could ignite the one who is bothering you. This then causes a domino effect of making the annoying student upset and unstable, this in turn makes everyone around them on edge because when one person in a community is upset it effects everyone.
During this year I have discovered the fix to this problem. Its as simple as the age old rule to treat others the way you want to be treated. It seems like its such a simple rule that it couldn't do anything, but I find being nice is the quickest way to a resolution.
Whenever at school I make sure, no matter what mood I'm in, that I am always kind and I always put others first. If i cant do that then I politely say I'm not in the mood. Through this practice, more people trust me and see me as a safe person to talk to.
I have been practicing the technique in various settings whether it be settling a student down when someone has spoken harshly or if I am just talking to students that need a nicer tone.
The way my little brother looks at this is that he acts out more when teachers are rough with him, when a teacher is "soft" and works with his strengths he gets more accomplished. We are lucky that at this school we have so many of the "soft" teachers but when one a student is upset, it has worked so well to care about them and show them that people are on their side and understand. I see myself in so many of the kids and I have found the by making them feel better I make myself feel good and I become a nicer person as a result.
I also would like to say that I have done a fair share of this and for me its a very very recent discovery. I am posting this because i want to share this amazing thing i found out. hope you liked it. I tried to relate it to social skills but I don't know if I did. its been a while.
I will try to post again soon :)
sorry i edited this so much. i don't want to hurt anyones feelings. I'm sorry if it seems convoluted or sloppy.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Not a lot to update about
i haven't had a lot happening that i feel relates well to anything so no new posts right now.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Parent Child Relationships
[Updated 9/16]
I am one of those teenagers that my parents are for all intensive purposes, my best friends. I have heard throughout life that kids "hate" their parents. Lately i have had the opportunity to see multiple sides of the common child remark of "my parents ruin my life."
I am one of those teenagers that my parents are for all intensive purposes, my best friends. I have heard throughout life that kids "hate" their parents. Lately i have had the opportunity to see multiple sides of the common child remark of "my parents ruin my life."
someone i know is often depressed when they are at home. what they tell me is that their parents don't leave them alone or are treating them unfairly. i have met this persons parents and know that to me, they are very nice. I did not pass off this persons claims couldn't figure out what the truth was.
I got to know this person better, and would often video chat with them. I noticed this persons parents would often barge in and begin acting unhappy or disappointed with something this child had done. Me hearing these instances and hearing this persons stories made me think their parents weren't being fair.
I went to talk to Dr. Schlegelmilch and turns out he knows this persons parents well. He says their doing everything right. As i continued thinking about this with my new perspective, I realized he was right.
I got to know this person better, and would often video chat with them. I noticed this persons parents would often barge in and begin acting unhappy or disappointed with something this child had done. Me hearing these instances and hearing this persons stories made me think their parents weren't being fair.
I went to talk to Dr. Schlegelmilch and turns out he knows this persons parents well. He says their doing everything right. As i continued thinking about this with my new perspective, I realized he was right.
A very apparent trait with kids on the spectrum, is this misunderstanding of social cues as well as taking everything as the truth [literally]. i know this is one of my most disabling challenges that i fight everyday. i have often found it difficult to be "best buds" because i couldn't tell when someone was lying to me. its not so much that i minded it happening, because it doesn't effect me, but i minded finding out later that i should not have trusted them. i believe experiences like this and the ability to go through them in a safe environment like Orion, has been very useful and i [cliche] wouldn't have traded it for the world.
so this post was somewhat of a jumble of many thoughts. i had just gone through this experience that took some reflecting so i thought why not do it here. hope you like.
so this post was somewhat of a jumble of many thoughts. i had just gone through this experience that took some reflecting so i thought why not do it here. hope you like.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
No Touching Rule
as you may have read from Dr. Schlegelmilch's blog, our blogs will sometimes overlap. this is one of those times.
in social skills we were talking about Aspergers, and the strengths and weaknesses associated. One that i thought could use a contrasting view was the no touching rule. In this blog entry i do not wish to change or take away the rule, just show the psychologists why i appreciate them being more lenient when needed.
Ever since i can remember i have loved having physical contact with other human beings. My mom used to tell my teachers that if they were going to touch me, they needed to do so firmly. I do not have the same receptors for touch as many people. I feel less and need a firmer grip. When my teachers would talk to me they would often grab and squeeze my arms while doing so. My mom would say i needed this many times a day, and my teachers reported they saw a huge change in mood when they used this technique. As i've been growing up it has been less appropriate for teachers or anyone to firmly grab me in the way that calms me down.
The school rule is there for kids who overload from touch and those who feel left out of a friend group. I have found that for me, hugging several times a day, with the people who know why i need it, can turn one of my gloomy days, a little better. I often have depressed days and i find if my friends aren't there to hug me, it goes a lot worse then if they are able to give me a good squeeze before class.
I can understand why this behavior can make others feel upset, and it is because they think its because my friends and i are so close. Thats part of it, they do it because it makes our lives better and we're the only ones we trust enough to feel safe in that situation. Anyone who needs a hug i am always open to help because i truly understand, but i only trust my needs with a select few. This is how i manage my mood and overall well being.
I thought this might be an interesting take on how the rule takes away from some while it helps others. I think it has greatly helped, that the teachers and psychologists support this need. Whether they realize it or not. Just by accidentally looking the other way, i have had a longer period of no depression, and when i am depressed, i know it doesn't last as long as it used to.
i know this entry was kind of "all about Hannah" but i think its a good example of the point of this blog. there are two sides to every rule or decision and this is the one it seems, maybe wasn't taken into account when creating the "no touching" rule.
in social skills we were talking about Aspergers, and the strengths and weaknesses associated. One that i thought could use a contrasting view was the no touching rule. In this blog entry i do not wish to change or take away the rule, just show the psychologists why i appreciate them being more lenient when needed.
Ever since i can remember i have loved having physical contact with other human beings. My mom used to tell my teachers that if they were going to touch me, they needed to do so firmly. I do not have the same receptors for touch as many people. I feel less and need a firmer grip. When my teachers would talk to me they would often grab and squeeze my arms while doing so. My mom would say i needed this many times a day, and my teachers reported they saw a huge change in mood when they used this technique. As i've been growing up it has been less appropriate for teachers or anyone to firmly grab me in the way that calms me down.
The school rule is there for kids who overload from touch and those who feel left out of a friend group. I have found that for me, hugging several times a day, with the people who know why i need it, can turn one of my gloomy days, a little better. I often have depressed days and i find if my friends aren't there to hug me, it goes a lot worse then if they are able to give me a good squeeze before class.
I can understand why this behavior can make others feel upset, and it is because they think its because my friends and i are so close. Thats part of it, they do it because it makes our lives better and we're the only ones we trust enough to feel safe in that situation. Anyone who needs a hug i am always open to help because i truly understand, but i only trust my needs with a select few. This is how i manage my mood and overall well being.
I thought this might be an interesting take on how the rule takes away from some while it helps others. I think it has greatly helped, that the teachers and psychologists support this need. Whether they realize it or not. Just by accidentally looking the other way, i have had a longer period of no depression, and when i am depressed, i know it doesn't last as long as it used to.
i know this entry was kind of "all about Hannah" but i think its a good example of the point of this blog. there are two sides to every rule or decision and this is the one it seems, maybe wasn't taken into account when creating the "no touching" rule.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
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